Lifeframes
-
I think it’s really unfortunate that we have so many misconceptions about what it means to be in a relationship. Everyone always writes that it’s this romantic thing that’s constantly happy and on going. I think less people would be upset if they realized that relationships aren’t meant to be commercialized- as in, we aren’t meant to always feel ecstatic and happy in our relationships, as we always seem to be told. And honestly, it’s hard to be in a relationship. It’s not easy, it’s not a game. You can’t just mess around with the other persons emotions. You can’t expect your partner to always be happy; you aren’t some cure to their depression, anxiety, or any other issue they may have. You’re supposed to care and understand and communicate. Just drop the whole societal love ideology. Fall in love with the person, not in love with the idea of love.
-
“I might be too young to settle down and marry, but I’m definitely too old to be playing anymore games. I’m too old to just be talking to someone, too old to not know what’s really going on, and too old to be entertaining somebody with no intention of making it work. At this age, I’m only interested in consistency, stability, respect and loyalty. And I want to hear someone tell me that they love me and know they Goddamn mean it.”
— (via sarahvoodoo)
-
“Develop an interest in life as you see it; the people, things, literature, music - the world is so rich, simply throbbing with rich treasures, beautiful souls and interesting people. Forget yourself.”
— Henry Miller (via larmoyante)
-
How can I let go of someone who is ultimately bad for me and does not do anything positive for me yet I just can't seem to let go of them and the thought of living my life without them is terrifying and anxiety provoking.
I’m so sorry that you’re struggling with this :/
I think that the first thing to do is explore why you feel like you can’t live without this person. Because despite the fact that you know logically that this person is bad for you, you’re keeping them around, and there’s a reason for that.
Whatever the reason is, it’s totally valid and okay. There is no judgement on my part. But if you really want to let this person go, you have to figure out what that reason is.
Are you afraid that if you let them go you won’t find anyone else to fill their place and that you’ll be alone?
Are you afraid of letting them go just because change is scary and the unknown feels more anxiety provoking than letting things stay the way they are?
Or maybe, even though this person doesn’t do anything positive for you, they are still serving you in some way, and maybe there’s a fear that if you let them go, you’ll lose that.
Maybe it’s that taking care of this person distracts you from focusing on your own issues that are painful to confront.
Maybe this person keeps you company, even though they aren’t very good company.
Maybe they make you feel like you have a purpose and without them you’ll have nothing and no one.
Or maybe you had some really great times with the person initially and you’re afraid that by letting them go, you’ll be letting go of any chance to have those good times again. Maybe you’re holding onto the hope that things will get better and that he’ll change.
It’s difficult for me to give advice on how to let go without knowing what specifically is keeping you there, so maybe you could send me another message once you’ve figured out what the underlying fear is and we can work together on challenging it.
Another thing that might help is making a list of pros and cons about this person and their impact on your life. Sometimes having things spelled out and put in front of us visually can help us to better see why a person/thing is toxic and needs to go.
I also think it’s important to recognize that whatever it is about this person that is making you want to stay, it’s something you can find somewhere else. Whether you’re looking for comfort, safety, companionship, care, a sense of purpose, or love, you can find it in something or someone that is conducive to your wellbeing and happiness. You can even find it within yourself.
Something that helps me when I’m feeling anxious or scared about doing something is playing out the worst case scenario. Often times, our fear about what will happen is much worse than the actual outcome. And more often that not, playing out the fear helps me to realize that the worst case scenario isn’t that bad, and even if it is, it reminds me that it’s something I can survive and overcome. Maybe playing out your fear is something that could help you too.
My last piece of advice is to imagine that a friend or family member you care about a lot had someone toxic in their life similar to the person in yours. If they were struggling to let go, what advice would you give them? It’s difficult to find the words to motivate ourselves to change, but often times thinking about our situation in terms of someone else can help because it’s always easier to give advice to others.
Whatever you would tell a friend or loved one in your situation, know that you deserve the same. Letting go of people we care about isn’t easy, especially when there are a ton of underlying fears, but it is possible. And the bottom line is that no matter how much we care about someone, if they’re toxic to our being, they need to go.
Let me know if there’s anything else I can do to help or support you.
Sending a lot of love your way,
Daniell
-
“Despite what you may believe, you can disappoint people and still be good enough. You can make mistakes and still be capable and talented. You can let people down and still be worthwhile and deserving of love. Everyone has disappointed someone they care about. Everyone messes up, lets people down, and makes mistakes. Not because we’re inadequate or fundamentally inept, but because we’re imperfect and fundamentally human. Expecting anything different is setting yourself up for failure.”
— Daniell Koepke
-
“If they don’t reply to your texts — they’re not interested in you. If they don’t call you — they’re not interested in you. If they forget your birthday — they’re not interested in you. If they’re hung up on their ex — they’re not interested in you. If they’re obsessed with being single — they’re not interested in you. If they don’t want to meet your friends — they’re not interested in you. If they don’t want you to meet their friends — they’re not interested in you. If they don’t ask questions about your life — they’re not interested in you. If they don’t tell you things about their life — they’re not interested in you. If they only speak to you when they want to have sex with you — they’re not interested in you. If they only have sex with you when they’re drunk — they’re not interested in you. If they say “should we just keep this between us?’ after you have sex with them — they’re not interested in you. If they can always find a psychobabble rationale about who “I am” or “you are” or “we are” as reason why you can’t be together — they’re not interested in you. If they have said for more than six months that they would like to be with you “BUT” — they’re not interested in you. And if you still need convincing — think of it this way. Think of what the real day-to-day of life is taken up by. Life is birthday parties at terrible pubs. Life is losing your credit card and the annual Melbourne Cup sweepstake in the office. Life is hen’s nights, bucks’ nights, sitting on the phone for three hours to get U2 tickets and not getting them, the apartment upstairs flooding your house, interval training, calorie counting, cancer scares, illegal mini cabs, Secret Santa, rail replacement buses and Dido albums. Dogs die, cars crash, bin liners break, contracts end, curtain rails collapse, trains get delayed, football teams lose. Divorce happens and so do earthquakes and so does An Audience With Michael Bublé. Landlords put rent up, phones get stolen and the supermarket often completely runs out of hummus. Now, taking all of the above into account — you look me dead in the eye and tell me the truth. Do you really have enough spare energy to pursue someone who isn’t interested in you? Do you really want to waste any more time on top of all of that? No. Me neither. So give it up, my friend. It’s a loser’s game. Delete their number. Don’t go on any more dates with them. Stop lurking their Facebook page. Feels good, doesn’t it?”
— Dolly Alderton (via nectarinejam)
-
“To some, this is tragic proof that our music culture is getting worse, but that critique is baseless. If anything it’s just a sign of how much times have changed and how exciting it is to be a fan now, when artists have to define their success outside of traditional metrics. 2014 has seen a surge in the popularity of streaming services. That has siphoned sales away from more traditional purchasing platforms in a big way, it’s also improved access to music and pushed musicians to innovate. We’ve also had fewer big-name releases this year than last. Perhaps when Taylor Swift’s new album comes out in a week, she will land the only platinum album released in 2014.”
— 2014 may be the first year without a platinum record — Why that’s a good thing
-
“Some people bring out the worst in you, others bring out the best, and then there are those remarkably rare, addictive ones who just bring out the most. Of everything. They make you feel so alive that you’d follow them straight into hell, just to keep getting your fix.”
— Karen Marie Moning, Shadowfever (via dirtyberd)
-
for 2015:
- learn to unapologetically say no.
- read, read, read, read. read
- write more. write about everything.
- pick up your camera again
- tell more stories
- keep ur skin moisturized
- appreciate every square centimeter of ur body
- don’t give a shit about what others think of u
- be patient. be thankful.
- life is not a competition. stop treating it like one.
- have more solo dance parties in ur room
(via thedreamerandthedream)
-
Best lesson from a Disney movie
This is an underrated movie
This is a grossly underrated movie.
Also? She’s based on a real person. A real woman who is 91 and is still cooking in her kitchen. She’s still widely respected in the culinary community, she’s fed presidents, she’s had songs written about her and her restaurants. She’s 91, and she still wakes up every morning to run things, because she still believes in hard work and good food. And if you don’t think that’s truly fantastic, then you can just fuck right off.
(via thedreamerandthedream)
